So OK. Yesterday, the kids found a beetle in the living room. They wanted me to kill it, but I was in bed with a tummyache, so I told them if it bothered them they would have to kill it. The took one of daddy’s shoes and went off to torture the poor thing. After much screaming and laughing, the boy (aged 6) brought me a napkin and said, “Now, we just need you to clean it up.” I said, “You tortured and killed it, you clean it up.”

Well, this posed a new problem. They were both so grossed out by the whole thing, they couldn’t imagine picking it up. Eventually, the girl (aged 5) got brave and picked up the body half of the bug with the napkin. Neither one wanted to pick up the head. The boy said, “I want to ask for a vacuum cleaner for my birthday so I can sweep up the bug.” I said, “There’s a vacuum cleaner in the living room.” Well, they were off.

Between the two of them, they figured out how to use the vacuum and got the bug cleaned up. When they came back to announce their victory, I said, “I’m very proud of you. You were very brave and smart.” The boy said, “Yeah, and all she had to do was plug my ears!”

I burst into laughter. Apparently, he was vacuuming while she was going along behind him with her hands over his ears. Her ears, of course, were uncovered and open to the elements.

So I missed this when it came on TV in January or whenever. Gar! I was first on the list when it came in at the library, so I’ve been watching it this week while I’ve been down with pancreatitis (we think). I think it’s a really great production. I cried like a baby at the proposal scene (but I’m blaming it on the stomachache). My only complaint is this: This guy –

Is way to hot too be Mr. Rochester. Rochester is supposed to be ugly. Really heinous. This guy has dimples and gorgeous teeth and a great Byronic hairdo. He’s a great actor, and I don’t mind watching him at all, but that’s the point. Rochester is supposed to be ugly!!!

Caller: How do you spell “liberry”?

Me: How do I spell which?

Caller: Liberry.

Me: Oh, Ok. L-I-B-R-A-R-Y

Caller: Hang on. L-A what?

Me: No. L-I-B-R-A-R-Y

Caller: L-I-A-

Me: No. L-I-B-R-A-R-Y

Caller: L-I-B-A-

Me: No no. L-I-B-R-A-R-Y

I ended up spelling it 6 times, to the vast amusement of my coworker who was standing nearby.

Stolen from Cat.

. Where is your cell phone? Counter
2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/lover? Hot
3. Your hair? Up
4. Your mother? Healthy
5. Your father? Wise
6. Your favourite item? Book
7. Your dream last night? Stressful
8. Your favourite drink? Coke
9. Your dream car? Lamborghini
10. The room you are in? Messy
11. Your ex? Married
12. Your fear? Crickets
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Smarter
14. Who did you hang out with last night? Paintbrush
15. What you’re not? Quiet
16. The last thing you did? Choreography
17. What are you wearing? Jeans
18. Your favourite book? Pride…
19. The last thing you ate? Mint
20. Your mood? Happy
21. Your friends? Awesome
22. What are you thinking about right now? Sunday
23. Your car? Tagged
24. What are you doing at the moment? Meming
25. Your summer? Hot
26. Your relationship status? Married

I painted our Dining Room today. All by myself! I picked the color (It matches the roof of a Meditarranean house from a picture painted by a dead relativethat hangs in the dining room.) I taped all the parts. I bought all the tools. I took the kids to 2 walmarts to get the paint mixed. I stripped off all the old border. And I painted the walls. It was incredibly cathartic. It’s been a bad week on top of my dishwasher woes, and I needed to do something completely for me. I needed to work hard for something. And I did. I worked all day long. Plus I did the grocery shopping and made dinner. Michael was at work, and when he came home I was putting the second coat of paint on.

I did tell him I was doing this, so it wasn’t a total surprise, but he still doesn’t love it. He calls it “pinkish orange”. I call it “orangey red”. I do love it. It was exactly what I wanted, and if it will just dry without all those patches, it will make me smile every time I look at it.

We moved into this house 6 years ago and have never had the time/money to fix it up, so it is decorated the way the 20-years-older-than-us couple had done it. Lots of border and wallpaper, which isn’t bad, but I don’t like the ones they chose. And until the last couple of weeks, it just seemed like too much work to change anything. I didn’t even have the energy to make a decision on what I wanted. Now, I have a vision of what I want. And I’m excited!

My kids are way into this whole painting the rooms thing, too. They’ve each picked out at least 4 colors to paint their rooms. They can’t make up their minds. My 6-year-old son was lobbying for black for his room, but we said no. Actually, I said no. Michael said, “He’s his mama’s boy.”

Last week, our dishwasher finally gave up the ghost. It was new when the house was built 25 years ago, so it had definitely served it’s time. On Friday, Michael and I went dishwasher shopping. We picked out a lovely black one with enough features to make us happy, but without all the frills that would make it expensive. And we payed cash. Yay!

The installer came on Tuesday to put in the dishwasher. My dog greeted him at the door and proceeded to “help” him install the thing. After getting the old dishwasher out, we decided the builders of our house had started with the dishwasher and built the house around it. The plumbing was a little bizarre to say the least. Anyway, he got the new one in, tested it, checked for leaks and left. I loaded the thing up, filled the soap dish, and started it. It is very quiet. It started washing. I left the kitchen.

A while later, I came back in the kitchen and realized the thing was still washing. Hmm. How long had it been? An hour? Can that be right? A half hour later, I decided to stop the thing and start over. Maybe I’d missed something. I started it again. It started washing. I left again.

2 hours later, I came back. Still washing. Now I know that’s not right. I called the store. They agreed. That’s not right. They said they’d bring me a replacement the next day. They did.

The same installer came back. Greeted the dog. Replaced the dishwasher with the dog’s help. Tested it. Checked for leaks. Took less time this time. He left.

I loaded this one. I put the soap in. I started the dishwasher. It was quiet. It started washing. I took the kids to the grocery store. I came home 2 hours after I’d started it. Still washing. I called the store again. I talked to an appliance expert. He was clueless. He gave me a number to call the manufacturer to see if they knew something I didn’t.

I called them just after 8 am. I explain the situation to the technician on the phone. She says, “Oh, well, the first few times you run it, it will run for 4 -6 hours.” What!!!!!????? 4-6 hours? Can you imagine the water, electricity, and gas this uses? Holy crow! “Just let it run on through its cycle.” Oooooo-Kaaaaay. That would have been a GREAT tidbit to put in the freaking manual!!!!

This afternoon I loaded it up, put the soap in and started the thing. It was very quiet. It started washing. “Here goes nothing,” I said to the dog. I left to get my kids and take them to the doctor. We got back 2.5 hours later. The dishwasher was finished. The light was on over the “Clean” designation. The hallelujah chorus rang in my ears as I danced around the kitchen and scared the dog.

Hooray for clean dishes.

When I got up this morning, all the chinese food containers were neatly stacked up with the sauce and egg rolls on top… on the stove. His cerebral flatulence continued and he forgot to put the food in the refrigerator. We won’t be enjoying all that Chinese food after all.

To start with, he called me this afternoon on his way home from work to say he forgot where the Target is in mid-town. It’s across the street from the only waterpark in town and the race track and the baseball stadium, but he couldn’t remember where that was. He was driving around looking for it. He blamed it on his headache, so he didn’t have to start worrying about early onset dementia.

Tonight, we decided to order Chinese food. Michael called in the order, and left about 15 minutes later to go get it. When he got to the restaurant, he noticed the phone numbers posted on the wall didn’t really look like the one he dialled, but he ignored it. Then, he noticed the new menus they had available in color. He got a little nervous when the workers at the restaurant couldn’t find any record of his order. He stood around while they made the order. When he got home, he picked up the menu he had ordered from and realized that it was a different restaurant altogether. Right about that time, the place he had ordered from called to see if he was coming to get his order.

We are now swimming in Chinese food.

Michael wanted me to call this post “Michael’s Rules of Order”.